Monthly Archives: June 2011

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Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis and the Psychic Friends Network

The Sale

Not too long ago I was up late watching informercials on TV. This is not a typical habit of mine (no really I swear 🙂 ), but the particular infomercial had sucked me in: one for Tracy Anderson’s new workout video series entitled “Metamorphosis”. I had tried Tracy’s “Method” before through her book, DVDs and YouTube videos, but I must admit I was ready for a new challenge. As Tracy rambled on about all the benefits of her plan and such, I found myself at her website, ordering away as if the informercial was sending me subliminal messages to do this now. Tracy’s informercial was having the same effect only one other infomercial had on me before: that for the Psychic Friends Network which I saw in 1997 and immediately became obsessed with after. In my mind, somehow Tracy Anderson has become my new Psychic Friends Network— she psychically knows that my ass is fat and out of shape— only she has the power to show a it a better future. Sigh…. I hereby will refer to Tracy Anderson’s Metamorphosis network as TAPFN (Tracy Anderson Psychic Friends Network).

The Reveal

Three days after placing my order, TAPFN showed up at my door- including multiple DVDs, a booklet on fitness, a food plan (more on that later), and (my favorite) a tape measure and chart so you can track your fat ass progress. Tracy encourages you to take a “before” picture before you start…. Um right Tracy… Just what I need pictures of my fat ass hanging around and taunting me- I decided to forgo this step. Ironically Tracy includes a “before” picture of herself in the package that I think looks better than she does now (her face is softer and not so reptile- like). Talk about demotivation.  I did measure myself and write down all the information in the chart provided—- this was all the “picture” I would be needing.

Reading how restrictive the food plan is was not surprising to me- her 30 day book that I had already tried seemed even more restrictive. However, I decided to forgo the food plan. First of all, I’m already in my ideal weight range (right in the middle of my healthy BMI range)…. Second, she’s on crack if she thinks people should follow restrictive eating habits for any length of time. It doesn’t seem that there are enough calories in her plan to make it sustainable while doing her crazy workouts. In the past if I deprive myself to lose weight, it all comes back within a few months. I eat a vegetarian, mostly organic diet in any case— I really don’t feel like going crazy gives me enough results to make it worth it. So ixnay on the food plan for me.

The workouts are interesting and thorough. 1/2 hour of cardio followed by a 1/2 hour of toning exercises. If you follow Tracy’s advice and turn off your AC you will be dripping sweat about 15 minutes into the cardio.  The amount to sweat became a problem in the toning portion– I kept having to flip the mat over to avoid a “slip-n-slide” like situation. After the workout, I was exhausted the first day…. a little better the second day…. and not sweating quite as much by the 5th (though this could be because it got cooler outside again for me 😉 ).

The cardio reminds my friend of “Snoopy dancing”— I think that’s an accurate description. Everything is a count of four, but there doesn’t seem to be any other rhyme nor reason to it. If you happen to try the cardio with Tracy’s voice on (it has the option to just have music only), she will annoy you thoroughly within 2 minutes by not saying anything helpful and essentially just badgering you as you try to pick up your steps  (ie… “Gwyneth Paltrow thought this was hard once but now it’s her favorite thing…” um here’s a hint Tracy— never use GP as your example if you’re trying to prove how normal people can do something too. We’ve all read Goop and know GP and you are drinking the same cracky kool-aid. ). Put on your ipod, and don’t worry about dancing to any sort of rhythm and you’ll find this cardio  bearable and almost amusing.

The toning exercises are designed for your specific body type. Having both a big butt and an occasional propensity to gain weight in my stomach, I selected the “omnicentric” type of workout when ordering my TAPFN package. The arms and abs are pretty good and easy enough to get through— when I got to the leg portion however I thought at one point my limbs were going to fall off. I almost wished I had purchased the “Ab-centric” version— I figure it would have less legs which are the part of this workout that kill me the most. So it goes though….

The Results

So I am ten days in and ready to change to workout 2 on day 11 as I am supposed to. I have managed already to lose 1.6 lbs, 1″ off my hips, 1″ off my thigh, and a 1/2″ off my arms so far without changing my diet and just performing TAPFN as instructed. We will see if this progress keeps up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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